everybody’s a critic.(c) BK
которые были в профилях героев на шоутаймовском сайте
про которые я писала здесь moveforever.diary.ru/p140943218.htm и что так и не доделала, скринов там должно было быть по два на каждого из героев по плану), профили переведены Медведицей здесь queerasfolk-rus.livejournal.com/82973.html
собраны yurkina в книгу здесь yurkuna.diary.ru/p170764267.htm
а здесь у меня было про то, на что эти профили поменялись к 2002-ому году moveforever.diary.ru/p145228109.htm
и поскольку тема эта эта у нас тут возникла вновь, то выложу уже в конце концов то, что еще нашла и чего не хватало, пока опять не отвлеклась на полгода))
Если кто не в курсе, в профилях этих были дневники героев (здесь был выложен на английском дневник Джастина из этих первых профилей на sho.com moveforever.diary.ru/p140688629.htm
емейлы Брайана я так и не собралась выложить, но они уже переведены на русский, как и дневник Джастина и все это можно почитать по вышеприведенным ссылкам)
Из дневников остальных у нас раньше были только маленькие отрывочки, зато теперь они есть целиком!)(кроме дэвида))
пока на английском все, но, надеюсь со временем и перевод появится
Текста так много, что в одну тему не лезет, в каменты добавлять мне не удобно, поэтому в отдельные темы выложу остальные.
и по уму надо было бы в них сложить все на каждого: и инфу из профилей и дневник и "отношения", но пока пусть дневники только будут
Майкл - NOTEBOOK
читать дальше01-07-01 - Episode 5
Feel like a dork. Screwed up my date with the Chiropractor. Boy do I suck as a gay man! After Doctor Dave dropped me off (dumped me off - more like it). I went to Babylon to look for some physical "approval." So stupid. I guess I wanted some assurance I hadn't suddenly turned into a troll. I just wanted someone to come up to me and say, "Michael you are a damn cute looking guy! What does that stupid chiropractor know?"
When I got there I felt so depressed I almost walked back out. But then a funny thing happened: THEY WERE ALL OVER ME. Maybe it was because I had borrowed Brian's clothes, or maybe being dumped makes me more attractive ... maybe it gives my boyish good looks the edge they need (ha, ha) I don't know. Really weird. It felt really powerful, like I was the most popular guy in the club - like Brian must feel ...like some super hero...Captian Astro cruises Babylon!
01-21-01 - Episode 6
Are all gay couples unhappy? Do they all cheat? Or is this just another example of me being brainwashed by Brian. I did see a book at the Barnes and Noble which talked about all these famous queer guys who've been in really long relationships. (Can't remember their names, but I know there was a long list, and they were all sort of really important.) So, maybe I'll make the list someday. What's to say I can't be part of a happy queer couple. But what if I end up like all those other couples - the gay "sweater set"? Those slightly out-of-shape guys you see all the time at home improvement stores? The ones who bore you with stories of how much it cost to renovate their country house, or how they took the most romantic camping trip (without any references to Joan Crawford or Betty Davis)? I hate how they always order for each other and answer for each other and remind each other about their diets and ALWAYS use plural pronouns to refer to themselves: "WE'RE fixing up OUR house, so it will make US better than lonely little you." THEY'RE so damn boring! I NEVER want to be part of a couple like that! No wonder they're always throwing their home renovations in your face. They're clearly jealous and miserable and want to punish you for being single! Is that what I'm heading for with David? Tag-team toilet makeovers? No way. David and I are DEFINITELY NOT A COUPLE! He's just a guy I'm "dating"...or rather "going out on dates with" ... NOTHING SERIOUS ... I don't think... If he ever mentions Home Depot to me I'll shove a paint roller down his throat.
01-28-01 - Episode 7
Had the weirdest dream last night. I was restocking feminine napkins on the shelves at the Big-Q when I felt this tap on my shoulder. It was Captain Astro - or that's who I thought it was...He was dressed like the Captain anyway. He said something about it being wrong that someone with my super powers should be stuck making sure the women of Pittsburgh had easy access to tampons. Then, he said he was going to rescue me, and take me to a place where I would be able to utilize my super hero abilities. I said something like "cool" or some other really lame response ... Anyway, we started to fly through the store and out the front door ... It felt totally awesome! Next thing I know we're flying across the sky and I'm all wrapped up in Captain Astro's arms. I notice they're pretty muscular, and I'm feeling all sexy and stuff and I turn to look at him and it's not Captain Astro at all: It's David! I start to get scared and say, "Hey, you're just a chiropractor, you don't know how to fly!" But he just laughs and says he took a weekend seminar in flying at the Learning Annex. I feel really good about this, and I'm really enjoying looking down at all the poor losers stuck on the ground. We fly over Marley's (from the Big Q) house and she looks up and spits the beer she's drinking all over her fat husband. I start cracking up ... but then I stop ... because I'm falling ... I realize David dropped me - ON PURPOSE! As I'm falling I look up to scream to David for help, but he isn't even looking at me. He's looking at someone else ... at Brian. It seems Brian took the same course and has flown up next to David and started cruising him - IN MID AIR! David totally forgets about me as I'm screaming and falling ... it was horrible. I also notice Brian is laughing at me. I start screaming for Brian to help me - screaming something about Patrick Swayze being really pissed... but Brian won't do anything ... he just stays up in the air with David. And the ground kept getting closer, and I kept thinking Brian was just trying to make me sweat - playing some sort of joke -- but then I think that maybe he really wants me dead ... and just before I hit the ground I look up and they're kissing and then ... BAM! SPLAT! I wake up. At least the dream taught me something: No more cold turkey meatloaf sandwiches before bed.
02-04-01 - Episode 8
I'm now a manager at the Big Q ... yippee. Why do I feel so crappy? I guess I'm still freaking because I had to pretend to be straight to get it. Does this mean I'm gonna have to keep pretending to watch ESPN, drool over the swim suit issue, and watch This Old House? (I feel so dirty.) Why do people care what your sexuality is if you do your job? I mean, when you consider the number of queer geniuses (Michelangelo, da Vinci, Eleanor Roosevelt, and a good 60% of the writers of all the great comic books etc.) compared to the number of queer people in the world vs. straight people - it's more likely we'd do a better job than a straight person. Sure, maybe we'd be a little late on those rare Monday mornings after a particularly rowdy circuit party, but it's a minor trade-off when you think that we could paint the Sistine Chapel or create a Super Hero. I guess people just want to hire people that they can relate to - carbon copies of themselves, so they don't feel so alone in the world. Would I hire someone just because they were the most like me? I guess so... I mean, if I had the choice between a qualified queer person and a qualified straight person, I'd choose the queer guy - just so I wouldn't have to sneak around about my private life. But, then again, if I had to choose between a queer guy who was a Barbara Streisand fan and an open-minded straight guy who was a Captain Astro fan ... I'd go for the Captain Astro fan. (He'd probably be queer deep down anyway). Actually, when I think about it, I'd always choose the person that was the most fun and the best for the job whether he was queer, straight or celibate. Hey! Look at that! Maybe I do deserve to be Manager!
02-11-01 - Episode 9
11 p.m.
Should I move in with David? Why the hell do I have to make a decision? I'm not old enough to move in with anyone! What if this means being trapped in a loveless relationship? What if it doesn't work out and he freaks and tries to keep all my stuff ... or even burns my comic book collection? Do I have the maturity level of a gnat or what? (As if I knew anything about the emotional development of gnats - then again I do hang out at Woody's a lot.) Okay ... be reasonable for a second. Do I really know this guy well enough to move in with him? No. Does anyone know anyone well enough to move in with anyone? Probably not. What if he's really a psycho killer who habitually does this with all his patients? Why does everyone seem like a god when you can't have them, but then turn into some sort of four-headed-monster when they're interested in a committed relationship with you? I'm going insane. Screw it. I'm going to sleep. Think about it tomorrow.
1 a.m.
Can't sleep. Thinking about David. I do love him ... I guess. I like having sex with him. I like his chest, and how he purses his mouth when he tries to make some lame joke. But he's sort of boring (In a sexy way.)... I hate his friends - some of his friends. (Lice-spreading, pompous assholes!) I like that woman. (What's her name again?) Why does he want me anyway? I'm a geek! If I move in with him he's going to have to accept my friends too....What about Brian? Damn ... it's almost 1:30 a.m. and I HAVE TO SLEEP!!!! I'll get off ... maybe that'll help.
2:15 a.m.
Didn't help. Kept trying to fantasize about different hot guys but every time I was close to coming the fantasy guy would ask me to move in. This SUCKS. Maybe I'll try some Ovaltine...Mom used to give me that....or maybe watch C-SPAN, that should put me to sleep.
02-18-01 - Episode 10
5:30 p.m.
I told David I couldn't move in with him. So, he dumped me. I guess I should've expected it. It would've happened sooner or later anyway. Man, I feel like crap. Why is it that people always look best right after they say the word "goodbye." They should make some sort of drug or plastic surgery to lock in that look of unavailability...was he really as handsome as that? Did he really have as nice of a house as that? Was he that completely sexy? Why couldn't he seem that way when I was there with him? Why is it he's only that hot for me in memory? I hate this.
1 a.m.
The worst time sleeping again. One minute I'm crying about David dumping me, and the next minute I'm remembering what happened on the turnpike with Brian... the kiss... was it a dream? No. It did happen: Brian KISSED ME FOR REAL. And would it have stopped if Emmett hadn't called out to us? Where would it have gone? Brian never kissed me that way before. Maybe it was because we were stoned. But we've been stoned together before... man, it really was incredible. GOD! I can't believe I'm thinking about kissing Brian when David has just dumped me. What's wrong with me? I must have Teflon for a soul.
1:35 a.m.
How can you know who is the "right person to love"? Why can't they label lovers like... what are they called... those codes for matching children's clothes? - Garanimals! That's it! Why can't they label lovers like Garanimals - so we'd just have to look at some tattoo on the back of their neck to see if we'd fit together.
Mom's letting Justin, move into MY OLD ROOM! This sucks. I will kill him if he touches anything. Does he have to have everything of mine? First Brian, now my room and my MOM!
02-25-01 - Episode 11
Packing for the move to David's. Going through all my stuff... years and years of comic books, and action figures, and ticket stubs to movies, and phone numbers scribbled on business cards... why do I keep all this? Bunch of Brian stuff too. Putting that in a box to be thrown out later. I can't believe I've gone through so many years thinking that jerk was my friend. It makes me sick. It's not that he's always been there for me, but I've always been there for him! Defending him against what people said about him... picking up the pieces when he comes home drunk after seeing his father... listening to his constant sex stories... I was probably the only person that would listen to all his crap and really cared. When did he really listen to me? Never. Why couldn't I see this? It's like a blindfold was taken off my eyes and I've finally seen who - and what - Brian really is... and I feel so stupid, like I wasted my life believing in someone that wasn't even there. Brian is just what everyone says he is... a pretty face with the conscience of a rattlesnake. The worse part is it means I'm no different than anyone else... I was only interested in Brian because he was great looking, and I projected my hopes on him... created this mystery that someone really good was under all that... but there wasn't. He's nothing, he's just a big, self-centered, mean-spirited... nothing.
03-04-01 - Episode 12
Brian's back, and I finally feel normal again. Can't believe how attached I am to him... despite everything I wrote in my last journal entry, he really is a good person deep down. Maybe it's just a little deeper than your average guy... he is pretty special after all. Maybe when you're as beautiful as he is you look at the world differently, since everyone treats you differently. I think beautiful people are judged more harshly than average looking people... then again they also get a lot more benefits. Actually I guess you pay one way or another. If you're homely, people think you're smarter and probably nicer... and if you're beautiful like Brian everyone thinks you're an asshole unless you kiss up to them.
Speaking of "kissing up" I had to do my own little kissing up to David last night. I could tell he wasn't thrilled that Brian and I are talking again. He says "whatever you think, I support you." But I know it's 90% lip service... but it's sorta sweet that he tries. I can tell when he lies now, because he gets this really tense, fake smile while his eyes look like they're gonna kill you. I also mentioned that I wanted to go to P-town this summer. He started talking about this "exquisite Bed and Breakfast" he stayed at with his old lover. Then I said that I couldn't wait to spend some time with him on the cape, but explained it was sort of a tradition for the guys and I to spend it stag... said it was like a "boys-night-out thing"... but stretched to a week. He said "Sure, no problem. Go ahead." And then he started that tense, fake-smile thing. Am I wrong for wanting to be alone with my friends? As much as I love David, friends are just as important as lovers. They've been there forever. And it's just not the same when David's around... I can't seem to relax. I feel like they'll say something he'll think is stupid or he'll say something they'll think is boring or snobby or something. Why can't they just get along?
03-11-01 - Episode 13
Sitting on the loading dock watching two very hot South American guys (they might be Israeli - not sure) unload boxes of some sort of new self-cleaning toilet seat covers. I'm trying to look managerial today, although there's too much going on. Actually, I think the world is falling apart all at once. First, Emmett tells us he wants to turn straight (as if!) and even refuses to have sex with Zak O'Toole and his penis! (Which, by the way, definitely needs to be referred to as a separate entity...maybe even requiring a different area code. Yeesh!) Then, just when I call to tell Brian the news, he tells me he's being sued for sexual harassment by a gay guy in his office! Something is completely out of whack. Must be some bizarre lunar foul-up or maybe it's the end of the world or something. I remember something like this happened to Captain Astro in issue 166 when he woke up one morning, after drinking that weird amber tea, and Kitty, the mayor's beautiful, sweet daughter, was transformed into some sort of evil Droid dominatrix, with a penchant for taking her high-heel routine just a little too far. (Great issue! Wish they'd bring Kitty back - poor thing. Although that might interfere with Lieutenant Rooster Shaft, Captain Astro's sexually ambiguous sidekick.) Why am I rambling? I guess because I can't talk about this Brian stuff with David. He pretends to listen and care, but I know it just pisses him off. He's got to learn that because Brian is a priority in my life, doesn't mean he isn't. A person can have more than one priority...it just means you have to...prioritize the priorities. I mean if David was dying and bleeding, I wouldn't think twice of helping him before Brian - I mean if Brian wasn't dying or anything. What if they were both dying at the same time? Who would I help first? Stupid question. They aren't.
MAN! RED ALERT! The delivery guys just took off their shirts! Man! I love delivery day!
03-18-01 - Episode 14
10:30 p.m. - Sunday
David's asleep. He's so fixated on his schedule. Sleep at 10 p.m., up at 5:30 a.m., jog, work out, health shake, work, and home. Geez, I don't even think Superman has such a strict regimen. We had a nice night, stayed in and fooled around for a while - did a little strip number in my Captain Astro briefs - huge hit with the Doc! I guess this is what a relationship feels like...really warm, and settled, but still a little boring (in a nice way.) But, I guess I still can't stop wondering what's going on out there...what I'm missing. Guess that's normal.
9 a.m. - Monday
Morning. Sitting in the back of the stock room at the Big Q. Freaking. David's son Hank is coming this weekend! He's going to completely hate me, I know it. He's one of these "jock super kids" that does everything. David can't stop talking about him..."He plays tenor sax, creates websites, he juggles, loves sports, he's on the short list for the Pulitzer Prize in the junior high division..." (Made up the last part.) I'm not going to have anything to say to him, and he's just going to look at me and think "That guy's sleeping with my dad!" I can't deal with this. I think I'm going to go stay at my old place for the weekend.
04-01-01 - Episode 15
David is really irritating me today! After Hank left, I thought: cool, great, he gets it. His son was honest with him and now David has a better idea that he can act a little too controlling. So I assumed he'd also make the connection that he is controlling in other aspects of his life as well. In other words: WITH ME. Unfortunately, the chiropractor has not made that adjustment yet. I should talk to him about it, but I think it might be too soon since Hank read him the riot act. Maybe that's the real problem: maybe I'm just another substitute son? Eew!!! Not even! I have to talk to him...after things cool down. Next week? Who knows, maybe it's just a stage in our relationship? Just mailed Hank issues 13, 14 and 15 of Captain Astro (had doubles). If he likes Scorpion Head he'll love the Captain. Having Hank around made me understand why Lindsay and Melanie wanted to have kids. I think someday, if things work out with David, that I'd like to have a kid too. Maybe adopt...don't know if I'd want a carbon copy of me. Why make someone else suffer through being a semi-cute slave to the Big Q. Then again, I'd be able to teach him what (and who) to avoid, and I'd make him finish college. It would give my mother somebody else to nurture. She'd be the best grandmother that's for sure.
David just called. We're having dinner at some French restaurant again. (Chateau Ma Poop or something like that.) Doesn't this guy ever eat McDonalds?
04-08-01 - Episode 16
Sitting at the Café Artiste in the Latin Quarter. David said he needed to pick up something he bought yesterday at some store - it was being altered. Probably surprising me with another gift. He's been going overboard the whole trip...and I'm loving it. Emmett was so right. I was being selfish in not letting David do this stuff for me...he seems as happy as when we first met. This Paris trip is definitely the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me. Right now, all these really French-looking French people are sitting all around me, talking French and eating French bread and French fries...and a straight couple in the corner is even frenching. You just know they're all talking about important things like their extramarital affairs and existentialism. It's so completely opposite of Pittsburgh. This is the most amazing trip of my life. Yesterday, we went to the Loove (how do you spell that?)...Louver (nope...?)...Louvre (maybe?) ...the big art museum, which is just about the hardest word to spell in the French language. (The French have to have about a zillion unnecessary letters in the middle of their words.) It was packed! About a thousand people were crushing around the Mona Lisa. David got really irritated and suggested we skip it...but I wanted to see it, cause who knows when I'll get another chance to see it in person. It's a lot smaller than I thought it would be. Anyway, after we were tired of all the art, we went to a "petite café" (little coffee) at this really pretty café on the Rive Gauche (left side of the River) and then we went shopping at this very fancy shopping area. (Not a Big Q within about 5,000 miles!) Got this incredible blazer from the Hermes store...David wouldn't let me see the price, but I know it probably cost more than 200 bucks. He bought me a belt and a tie, too. Don't really like the tie, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then we went to this exquisite (David's word, but I like it) restaurant called...something - can't remember, but it was in French, and it was really good. But, the most incredible thing was I found this little comic book shop that had ALL THE BACK ISSUES OF SANDMAN for unbelievably cheap! I'm gonna need a new suitcase.
The waiter just came over and asked me - in French - if I wanted anything else, and I answered him IN FRENCH, "Oui, merci...une petite café, si vous play," (yes, thank you, a coffee, please). It's actually the only thing I know how to order in perfect French, so I've been ordering it a lot...actually I'm starting to feel really jumpy. Got to remember to ask David how to order decaf.
Coming here and spending time with David has made me realize how small my life has been in Pittsburgh...how much I've wasted my time just hanging with the same people, in the same places. Brian never even had a week like this. None of my friends have. My old life isn't enough for me, anymore. It's like suddenly getting to live the life of a Super Hero and then being expected to go back and live your life without super powers. It's impossible. David said that he'd like to take me to Florence, Italy next. He said it's even more romantic than Paris! That would be just fine with me. (Mom and Uncle Vic will freak out!)
I can see David walking down the block now. He's carrying a gift-wrapped box. I knew it!
04-15-01 - Episode 17
Still feel like a jerk about how I treated Mom and my friends. It's like I thought they weren't as "good" or as "valuable" as the people David has introduced me to, but the fact is they're better. They're more genuine, and more loving and more...real (excluding Mom's hair of course). I mean, sure they're a little strange, and they don't all have fabulous exciting jobs or travel the world...but they're extraordinary people...and most importantly they're always there for me...they're my family. I guess it's like anything in life: when we already have something we don't know how truly special it is. Even with David, I used to think that because he wasn't as beautiful or as "dangerous" as someone like Brian (for example), he wasn't as good. But he is...God, it seems so stupid to even say it. I mean, what a dope I was! How many people would kill for what David and I have? He's the dream-queer-lover! He's hot, rich, sexy, and a chiropractor...certified! I mean he even cleans up after me! (Okay, that can get a little irritating, but...) If I had gotten involved with Brian - or someone like Brian, I mean - he would have been cheating on me within a few months. When it comes to a relationship, queer guys like him have the attention span of a hyperactive three-year-old in a video arcade. I mean, in this community, having a monogamous boyfriend is virtually a miracle! It's time to just be happy with my life. Okay. There. I'm happy.
04-22-01 - Episode 18
Welcome to the journal of the "betrayed little housewife." That was Brian's on-target description of my behavior over the last few days...that is before I became the new "enlightened" Michael Novotny. According to an article I read, it's natural for men to sleep with lots of people. The article was called "Why Men Cheat." (I think it was in "Cosmo" or some other "women's magazine" I found at the Big Q. Took it to the toilet and nearly read the entire issue. Also found out that I'm not an "autumn" like I thought. Go figure.) Anyway, the article said that women like monogamy because they have a limited amount of eggs, and don't want to waste them with a variety of men. But men, on the other hand, have zillions and zillions of sperm and it makes sense for them to want to spread them around as much as possible. This made me feel a little bit better about what happened with David...for about 15 minutes. Why am I so different? Why can't I detach sex from love? I'm sure Brian would say I was full of it for thinking this...but he wouldn't know. Casual sex is so inferior to what I feel when there's love there. It's like comparing Captain Astro to...Barney Rubble. Speaking of which, I wonder if Barney ever cheated on Betty? She was in pretty good shape...I doubt it. But if Barney and Fred were a couple, I bet Fred would be at the Bedrock Bathhouse in no time...probably doing it with the Great Kazoo in the Jacuzzi. Men suck.
04-29-01 - Episode 19
It's 2 a.m. David's asleep upstairs...he'll be up in a few hours for his morning run. It was really amazing spending time with Brian tonight. His bowling alley...what's the word? "Epiphany"...that's it. I think he finally forgave his father...well maybe not "forgave," but at least he got past "it"...the anger. I hope he did. I know this is a doofus thing to think of at this moment, but it was sort of like when Captain Astro was in love with Mary, the new secretary in the Mayor's office. He finally thought he found love, but then he realized she was really just Rat Boy in disguise, but instead of just hating him and kicking his ass, he felt a little sad. Because sometimes you can hate and love someone at the same time. Maybe that wasn't it. I don't know. I do know that I never felt closer to Brian. It was one of the only times...maybe the only time...I've ever seen him really open up. I wonder if I could ever forgive my father? Whoever he is. I wonder if I'll ever see him? If he stayed with my Mom would I have been a different person? Would I have the issues Brian has...would I have had different issues? I guess you can never know.
06-10-01 - Episode 20
David can't get this stupid grin off his face about all the attention he got last night at Babylon. I could kill him if he weren't sort of adorable. I never knew so many guys would go for him. I'm so used to Brian and the guys making comments about David's age, I forgot that he's one damn hot guy. Why should it matter what other guys think anyway? It should only matter what I think. But it was sort of a rush to have so many guys in that place jealous of me since I would be the one going home with him. It's what I've always imagined it must feel to date someone like Brian...although anyone who dates Brian would never know for sure if they were going home with him, since he might change his mind. Speaking of which...I still can't get over the fact Justin stole that guy right out of Brian's arms. It was a Babylon first. I guess I'm sort of a bad best friend, but suddenly I have developed a fondness for the boy wonder. Anyone that can make Brian see what he's done to the rest of us for the last 15 years is okay with me.
Just got off the phone with Mom again. She calls about every 15 minutes. I haven't heard her this upset in a really long time. Poor Uncle Vic. I still can't believe those cops did this to him. It's so unfair. Mom said he's been laying in his bed staring at the ceiling, and won't eat anything. At least he's out of jail for now thanks to Blake. Blake sure is a lot nicer and caring than I imagined. I guess Ted was right about being a bit narrow-minded when it comes to him. But - for Ted's sake - I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.
06-17-01 - Episode 21
I can't believe I'm doing it. Moving to Portland. It doesn't seem real yet. But Brian's right about going. If I want to give David and me a real chance in this relationship, I've got to do this. It's just so hard to make a decision. I mean if Captain Astro hadn't made the choice to listen to Baron Von Impaler's advice rather than to Shawna White Star's advice, he never would have found the cure for the Plague of Tourette's Syndrome that swept through Metropolis (issue 175). Then again, that also caused him to lose his super powers for the next three issues. Change is scary. I'm going to miss Mom and Uncle Vic and Ted and Emmett...and even that little pain-in-the-ass Justin. Not to mention Brian. It will be really weird not to have him in my life everyday. But he'll be in NYC anyway. God, I feel sick to my stomach. But this is all part of growing up, I guess.
Brian's 30th birthday's in a few days. Oh boy, this isn't going to be pretty. He's going to be so freaked. Hee hee.
06-24-01 - Episode 22
I am writing this in the cab on the way to the airport. I only have about 20 minutes to catch David's flight. I keep trying to hurry the cab driver, but he's driving like a little old lady. Just my luck...a cab driver without a death wish. Can't he speed up? God, I hope David didn't change his mind too and we end up crossing paths. No, he wouldn't do that. Why am I still feeling unsure about this? I know I love him, and that's all that matters. Right? I have to just dive in...take a risk...I have to grow-the-hell-up! Portland isn't the end of the Earth. Finally! I see the airport exit! Here goes nothin'!
дневник Эмметта moveforever.diary.ru/p170806867.htm
про которые я писала здесь moveforever.diary.ru/p140943218.htm и что так и не доделала, скринов там должно было быть по два на каждого из героев по плану), профили переведены Медведицей здесь queerasfolk-rus.livejournal.com/82973.html
собраны yurkina в книгу здесь yurkuna.diary.ru/p170764267.htm
а здесь у меня было про то, на что эти профили поменялись к 2002-ому году moveforever.diary.ru/p145228109.htm
и поскольку тема эта эта у нас тут возникла вновь, то выложу уже в конце концов то, что еще нашла и чего не хватало, пока опять не отвлеклась на полгода))
Если кто не в курсе, в профилях этих были дневники героев (здесь был выложен на английском дневник Джастина из этих первых профилей на sho.com moveforever.diary.ru/p140688629.htm
емейлы Брайана я так и не собралась выложить, но они уже переведены на русский, как и дневник Джастина и все это можно почитать по вышеприведенным ссылкам)
Из дневников остальных у нас раньше были только маленькие отрывочки, зато теперь они есть целиком!)
пока на английском все, но, надеюсь со временем и перевод появится
Текста так много, что в одну тему не лезет, в каменты добавлять мне не удобно, поэтому в отдельные темы выложу остальные.
и по уму надо было бы в них сложить все на каждого: и инфу из профилей и дневник и "отношения", но пока пусть дневники только будут
Майкл - NOTEBOOK
читать дальше01-07-01 - Episode 5Feel like a dork. Screwed up my date with the Chiropractor. Boy do I suck as a gay man! After Doctor Dave dropped me off (dumped me off - more like it). I went to Babylon to look for some physical "approval." So stupid. I guess I wanted some assurance I hadn't suddenly turned into a troll. I just wanted someone to come up to me and say, "Michael you are a damn cute looking guy! What does that stupid chiropractor know?"
When I got there I felt so depressed I almost walked back out. But then a funny thing happened: THEY WERE ALL OVER ME. Maybe it was because I had borrowed Brian's clothes, or maybe being dumped makes me more attractive ... maybe it gives my boyish good looks the edge they need (ha, ha) I don't know. Really weird. It felt really powerful, like I was the most popular guy in the club - like Brian must feel ...like some super hero...Captian Astro cruises Babylon!
01-21-01 - Episode 6
Are all gay couples unhappy? Do they all cheat? Or is this just another example of me being brainwashed by Brian. I did see a book at the Barnes and Noble which talked about all these famous queer guys who've been in really long relationships. (Can't remember their names, but I know there was a long list, and they were all sort of really important.) So, maybe I'll make the list someday. What's to say I can't be part of a happy queer couple. But what if I end up like all those other couples - the gay "sweater set"? Those slightly out-of-shape guys you see all the time at home improvement stores? The ones who bore you with stories of how much it cost to renovate their country house, or how they took the most romantic camping trip (without any references to Joan Crawford or Betty Davis)? I hate how they always order for each other and answer for each other and remind each other about their diets and ALWAYS use plural pronouns to refer to themselves: "WE'RE fixing up OUR house, so it will make US better than lonely little you." THEY'RE so damn boring! I NEVER want to be part of a couple like that! No wonder they're always throwing their home renovations in your face. They're clearly jealous and miserable and want to punish you for being single! Is that what I'm heading for with David? Tag-team toilet makeovers? No way. David and I are DEFINITELY NOT A COUPLE! He's just a guy I'm "dating"...or rather "going out on dates with" ... NOTHING SERIOUS ... I don't think... If he ever mentions Home Depot to me I'll shove a paint roller down his throat.
01-28-01 - Episode 7
Had the weirdest dream last night. I was restocking feminine napkins on the shelves at the Big-Q when I felt this tap on my shoulder. It was Captain Astro - or that's who I thought it was...He was dressed like the Captain anyway. He said something about it being wrong that someone with my super powers should be stuck making sure the women of Pittsburgh had easy access to tampons. Then, he said he was going to rescue me, and take me to a place where I would be able to utilize my super hero abilities. I said something like "cool" or some other really lame response ... Anyway, we started to fly through the store and out the front door ... It felt totally awesome! Next thing I know we're flying across the sky and I'm all wrapped up in Captain Astro's arms. I notice they're pretty muscular, and I'm feeling all sexy and stuff and I turn to look at him and it's not Captain Astro at all: It's David! I start to get scared and say, "Hey, you're just a chiropractor, you don't know how to fly!" But he just laughs and says he took a weekend seminar in flying at the Learning Annex. I feel really good about this, and I'm really enjoying looking down at all the poor losers stuck on the ground. We fly over Marley's (from the Big Q) house and she looks up and spits the beer she's drinking all over her fat husband. I start cracking up ... but then I stop ... because I'm falling ... I realize David dropped me - ON PURPOSE! As I'm falling I look up to scream to David for help, but he isn't even looking at me. He's looking at someone else ... at Brian. It seems Brian took the same course and has flown up next to David and started cruising him - IN MID AIR! David totally forgets about me as I'm screaming and falling ... it was horrible. I also notice Brian is laughing at me. I start screaming for Brian to help me - screaming something about Patrick Swayze being really pissed... but Brian won't do anything ... he just stays up in the air with David. And the ground kept getting closer, and I kept thinking Brian was just trying to make me sweat - playing some sort of joke -- but then I think that maybe he really wants me dead ... and just before I hit the ground I look up and they're kissing and then ... BAM! SPLAT! I wake up. At least the dream taught me something: No more cold turkey meatloaf sandwiches before bed.
02-04-01 - Episode 8
I'm now a manager at the Big Q ... yippee. Why do I feel so crappy? I guess I'm still freaking because I had to pretend to be straight to get it. Does this mean I'm gonna have to keep pretending to watch ESPN, drool over the swim suit issue, and watch This Old House? (I feel so dirty.) Why do people care what your sexuality is if you do your job? I mean, when you consider the number of queer geniuses (Michelangelo, da Vinci, Eleanor Roosevelt, and a good 60% of the writers of all the great comic books etc.) compared to the number of queer people in the world vs. straight people - it's more likely we'd do a better job than a straight person. Sure, maybe we'd be a little late on those rare Monday mornings after a particularly rowdy circuit party, but it's a minor trade-off when you think that we could paint the Sistine Chapel or create a Super Hero. I guess people just want to hire people that they can relate to - carbon copies of themselves, so they don't feel so alone in the world. Would I hire someone just because they were the most like me? I guess so... I mean, if I had the choice between a qualified queer person and a qualified straight person, I'd choose the queer guy - just so I wouldn't have to sneak around about my private life. But, then again, if I had to choose between a queer guy who was a Barbara Streisand fan and an open-minded straight guy who was a Captain Astro fan ... I'd go for the Captain Astro fan. (He'd probably be queer deep down anyway). Actually, when I think about it, I'd always choose the person that was the most fun and the best for the job whether he was queer, straight or celibate. Hey! Look at that! Maybe I do deserve to be Manager!
02-11-01 - Episode 9
11 p.m.
Should I move in with David? Why the hell do I have to make a decision? I'm not old enough to move in with anyone! What if this means being trapped in a loveless relationship? What if it doesn't work out and he freaks and tries to keep all my stuff ... or even burns my comic book collection? Do I have the maturity level of a gnat or what? (As if I knew anything about the emotional development of gnats - then again I do hang out at Woody's a lot.) Okay ... be reasonable for a second. Do I really know this guy well enough to move in with him? No. Does anyone know anyone well enough to move in with anyone? Probably not. What if he's really a psycho killer who habitually does this with all his patients? Why does everyone seem like a god when you can't have them, but then turn into some sort of four-headed-monster when they're interested in a committed relationship with you? I'm going insane. Screw it. I'm going to sleep. Think about it tomorrow.
1 a.m.
Can't sleep. Thinking about David. I do love him ... I guess. I like having sex with him. I like his chest, and how he purses his mouth when he tries to make some lame joke. But he's sort of boring (In a sexy way.)... I hate his friends - some of his friends. (Lice-spreading, pompous assholes!) I like that woman. (What's her name again?) Why does he want me anyway? I'm a geek! If I move in with him he's going to have to accept my friends too....What about Brian? Damn ... it's almost 1:30 a.m. and I HAVE TO SLEEP!!!! I'll get off ... maybe that'll help.
2:15 a.m.
Didn't help. Kept trying to fantasize about different hot guys but every time I was close to coming the fantasy guy would ask me to move in. This SUCKS. Maybe I'll try some Ovaltine...Mom used to give me that....or maybe watch C-SPAN, that should put me to sleep.
02-18-01 - Episode 10
5:30 p.m.
I told David I couldn't move in with him. So, he dumped me. I guess I should've expected it. It would've happened sooner or later anyway. Man, I feel like crap. Why is it that people always look best right after they say the word "goodbye." They should make some sort of drug or plastic surgery to lock in that look of unavailability...was he really as handsome as that? Did he really have as nice of a house as that? Was he that completely sexy? Why couldn't he seem that way when I was there with him? Why is it he's only that hot for me in memory? I hate this.
1 a.m.
The worst time sleeping again. One minute I'm crying about David dumping me, and the next minute I'm remembering what happened on the turnpike with Brian... the kiss... was it a dream? No. It did happen: Brian KISSED ME FOR REAL. And would it have stopped if Emmett hadn't called out to us? Where would it have gone? Brian never kissed me that way before. Maybe it was because we were stoned. But we've been stoned together before... man, it really was incredible. GOD! I can't believe I'm thinking about kissing Brian when David has just dumped me. What's wrong with me? I must have Teflon for a soul.
1:35 a.m.
How can you know who is the "right person to love"? Why can't they label lovers like... what are they called... those codes for matching children's clothes? - Garanimals! That's it! Why can't they label lovers like Garanimals - so we'd just have to look at some tattoo on the back of their neck to see if we'd fit together.
Mom's letting Justin, move into MY OLD ROOM! This sucks. I will kill him if he touches anything. Does he have to have everything of mine? First Brian, now my room and my MOM!
02-25-01 - Episode 11
Packing for the move to David's. Going through all my stuff... years and years of comic books, and action figures, and ticket stubs to movies, and phone numbers scribbled on business cards... why do I keep all this? Bunch of Brian stuff too. Putting that in a box to be thrown out later. I can't believe I've gone through so many years thinking that jerk was my friend. It makes me sick. It's not that he's always been there for me, but I've always been there for him! Defending him against what people said about him... picking up the pieces when he comes home drunk after seeing his father... listening to his constant sex stories... I was probably the only person that would listen to all his crap and really cared. When did he really listen to me? Never. Why couldn't I see this? It's like a blindfold was taken off my eyes and I've finally seen who - and what - Brian really is... and I feel so stupid, like I wasted my life believing in someone that wasn't even there. Brian is just what everyone says he is... a pretty face with the conscience of a rattlesnake. The worse part is it means I'm no different than anyone else... I was only interested in Brian because he was great looking, and I projected my hopes on him... created this mystery that someone really good was under all that... but there wasn't. He's nothing, he's just a big, self-centered, mean-spirited... nothing.
03-04-01 - Episode 12
Brian's back, and I finally feel normal again. Can't believe how attached I am to him... despite everything I wrote in my last journal entry, he really is a good person deep down. Maybe it's just a little deeper than your average guy... he is pretty special after all. Maybe when you're as beautiful as he is you look at the world differently, since everyone treats you differently. I think beautiful people are judged more harshly than average looking people... then again they also get a lot more benefits. Actually I guess you pay one way or another. If you're homely, people think you're smarter and probably nicer... and if you're beautiful like Brian everyone thinks you're an asshole unless you kiss up to them.
Speaking of "kissing up" I had to do my own little kissing up to David last night. I could tell he wasn't thrilled that Brian and I are talking again. He says "whatever you think, I support you." But I know it's 90% lip service... but it's sorta sweet that he tries. I can tell when he lies now, because he gets this really tense, fake smile while his eyes look like they're gonna kill you. I also mentioned that I wanted to go to P-town this summer. He started talking about this "exquisite Bed and Breakfast" he stayed at with his old lover. Then I said that I couldn't wait to spend some time with him on the cape, but explained it was sort of a tradition for the guys and I to spend it stag... said it was like a "boys-night-out thing"... but stretched to a week. He said "Sure, no problem. Go ahead." And then he started that tense, fake-smile thing. Am I wrong for wanting to be alone with my friends? As much as I love David, friends are just as important as lovers. They've been there forever. And it's just not the same when David's around... I can't seem to relax. I feel like they'll say something he'll think is stupid or he'll say something they'll think is boring or snobby or something. Why can't they just get along?
03-11-01 - Episode 13
Sitting on the loading dock watching two very hot South American guys (they might be Israeli - not sure) unload boxes of some sort of new self-cleaning toilet seat covers. I'm trying to look managerial today, although there's too much going on. Actually, I think the world is falling apart all at once. First, Emmett tells us he wants to turn straight (as if!) and even refuses to have sex with Zak O'Toole and his penis! (Which, by the way, definitely needs to be referred to as a separate entity...maybe even requiring a different area code. Yeesh!) Then, just when I call to tell Brian the news, he tells me he's being sued for sexual harassment by a gay guy in his office! Something is completely out of whack. Must be some bizarre lunar foul-up or maybe it's the end of the world or something. I remember something like this happened to Captain Astro in issue 166 when he woke up one morning, after drinking that weird amber tea, and Kitty, the mayor's beautiful, sweet daughter, was transformed into some sort of evil Droid dominatrix, with a penchant for taking her high-heel routine just a little too far. (Great issue! Wish they'd bring Kitty back - poor thing. Although that might interfere with Lieutenant Rooster Shaft, Captain Astro's sexually ambiguous sidekick.) Why am I rambling? I guess because I can't talk about this Brian stuff with David. He pretends to listen and care, but I know it just pisses him off. He's got to learn that because Brian is a priority in my life, doesn't mean he isn't. A person can have more than one priority...it just means you have to...prioritize the priorities. I mean if David was dying and bleeding, I wouldn't think twice of helping him before Brian - I mean if Brian wasn't dying or anything. What if they were both dying at the same time? Who would I help first? Stupid question. They aren't.
MAN! RED ALERT! The delivery guys just took off their shirts! Man! I love delivery day!
03-18-01 - Episode 14
10:30 p.m. - Sunday
David's asleep. He's so fixated on his schedule. Sleep at 10 p.m., up at 5:30 a.m., jog, work out, health shake, work, and home. Geez, I don't even think Superman has such a strict regimen. We had a nice night, stayed in and fooled around for a while - did a little strip number in my Captain Astro briefs - huge hit with the Doc! I guess this is what a relationship feels like...really warm, and settled, but still a little boring (in a nice way.) But, I guess I still can't stop wondering what's going on out there...what I'm missing. Guess that's normal.
9 a.m. - Monday
Morning. Sitting in the back of the stock room at the Big Q. Freaking. David's son Hank is coming this weekend! He's going to completely hate me, I know it. He's one of these "jock super kids" that does everything. David can't stop talking about him..."He plays tenor sax, creates websites, he juggles, loves sports, he's on the short list for the Pulitzer Prize in the junior high division..." (Made up the last part.) I'm not going to have anything to say to him, and he's just going to look at me and think "That guy's sleeping with my dad!" I can't deal with this. I think I'm going to go stay at my old place for the weekend.
04-01-01 - Episode 15
David is really irritating me today! After Hank left, I thought: cool, great, he gets it. His son was honest with him and now David has a better idea that he can act a little too controlling. So I assumed he'd also make the connection that he is controlling in other aspects of his life as well. In other words: WITH ME. Unfortunately, the chiropractor has not made that adjustment yet. I should talk to him about it, but I think it might be too soon since Hank read him the riot act. Maybe that's the real problem: maybe I'm just another substitute son? Eew!!! Not even! I have to talk to him...after things cool down. Next week? Who knows, maybe it's just a stage in our relationship? Just mailed Hank issues 13, 14 and 15 of Captain Astro (had doubles). If he likes Scorpion Head he'll love the Captain. Having Hank around made me understand why Lindsay and Melanie wanted to have kids. I think someday, if things work out with David, that I'd like to have a kid too. Maybe adopt...don't know if I'd want a carbon copy of me. Why make someone else suffer through being a semi-cute slave to the Big Q. Then again, I'd be able to teach him what (and who) to avoid, and I'd make him finish college. It would give my mother somebody else to nurture. She'd be the best grandmother that's for sure.
David just called. We're having dinner at some French restaurant again. (Chateau Ma Poop or something like that.) Doesn't this guy ever eat McDonalds?
04-08-01 - Episode 16
Sitting at the Café Artiste in the Latin Quarter. David said he needed to pick up something he bought yesterday at some store - it was being altered. Probably surprising me with another gift. He's been going overboard the whole trip...and I'm loving it. Emmett was so right. I was being selfish in not letting David do this stuff for me...he seems as happy as when we first met. This Paris trip is definitely the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me. Right now, all these really French-looking French people are sitting all around me, talking French and eating French bread and French fries...and a straight couple in the corner is even frenching. You just know they're all talking about important things like their extramarital affairs and existentialism. It's so completely opposite of Pittsburgh. This is the most amazing trip of my life. Yesterday, we went to the Loove (how do you spell that?)...Louver (nope...?)...Louvre (maybe?) ...the big art museum, which is just about the hardest word to spell in the French language. (The French have to have about a zillion unnecessary letters in the middle of their words.) It was packed! About a thousand people were crushing around the Mona Lisa. David got really irritated and suggested we skip it...but I wanted to see it, cause who knows when I'll get another chance to see it in person. It's a lot smaller than I thought it would be. Anyway, after we were tired of all the art, we went to a "petite café" (little coffee) at this really pretty café on the Rive Gauche (left side of the River) and then we went shopping at this very fancy shopping area. (Not a Big Q within about 5,000 miles!) Got this incredible blazer from the Hermes store...David wouldn't let me see the price, but I know it probably cost more than 200 bucks. He bought me a belt and a tie, too. Don't really like the tie, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then we went to this exquisite (David's word, but I like it) restaurant called...something - can't remember, but it was in French, and it was really good. But, the most incredible thing was I found this little comic book shop that had ALL THE BACK ISSUES OF SANDMAN for unbelievably cheap! I'm gonna need a new suitcase.
The waiter just came over and asked me - in French - if I wanted anything else, and I answered him IN FRENCH, "Oui, merci...une petite café, si vous play," (yes, thank you, a coffee, please). It's actually the only thing I know how to order in perfect French, so I've been ordering it a lot...actually I'm starting to feel really jumpy. Got to remember to ask David how to order decaf.
Coming here and spending time with David has made me realize how small my life has been in Pittsburgh...how much I've wasted my time just hanging with the same people, in the same places. Brian never even had a week like this. None of my friends have. My old life isn't enough for me, anymore. It's like suddenly getting to live the life of a Super Hero and then being expected to go back and live your life without super powers. It's impossible. David said that he'd like to take me to Florence, Italy next. He said it's even more romantic than Paris! That would be just fine with me. (Mom and Uncle Vic will freak out!)
I can see David walking down the block now. He's carrying a gift-wrapped box. I knew it!
04-15-01 - Episode 17
Still feel like a jerk about how I treated Mom and my friends. It's like I thought they weren't as "good" or as "valuable" as the people David has introduced me to, but the fact is they're better. They're more genuine, and more loving and more...real (excluding Mom's hair of course). I mean, sure they're a little strange, and they don't all have fabulous exciting jobs or travel the world...but they're extraordinary people...and most importantly they're always there for me...they're my family. I guess it's like anything in life: when we already have something we don't know how truly special it is. Even with David, I used to think that because he wasn't as beautiful or as "dangerous" as someone like Brian (for example), he wasn't as good. But he is...God, it seems so stupid to even say it. I mean, what a dope I was! How many people would kill for what David and I have? He's the dream-queer-lover! He's hot, rich, sexy, and a chiropractor...certified! I mean he even cleans up after me! (Okay, that can get a little irritating, but...) If I had gotten involved with Brian - or someone like Brian, I mean - he would have been cheating on me within a few months. When it comes to a relationship, queer guys like him have the attention span of a hyperactive three-year-old in a video arcade. I mean, in this community, having a monogamous boyfriend is virtually a miracle! It's time to just be happy with my life. Okay. There. I'm happy.
04-22-01 - Episode 18
Welcome to the journal of the "betrayed little housewife." That was Brian's on-target description of my behavior over the last few days...that is before I became the new "enlightened" Michael Novotny. According to an article I read, it's natural for men to sleep with lots of people. The article was called "Why Men Cheat." (I think it was in "Cosmo" or some other "women's magazine" I found at the Big Q. Took it to the toilet and nearly read the entire issue. Also found out that I'm not an "autumn" like I thought. Go figure.) Anyway, the article said that women like monogamy because they have a limited amount of eggs, and don't want to waste them with a variety of men. But men, on the other hand, have zillions and zillions of sperm and it makes sense for them to want to spread them around as much as possible. This made me feel a little bit better about what happened with David...for about 15 minutes. Why am I so different? Why can't I detach sex from love? I'm sure Brian would say I was full of it for thinking this...but he wouldn't know. Casual sex is so inferior to what I feel when there's love there. It's like comparing Captain Astro to...Barney Rubble. Speaking of which, I wonder if Barney ever cheated on Betty? She was in pretty good shape...I doubt it. But if Barney and Fred were a couple, I bet Fred would be at the Bedrock Bathhouse in no time...probably doing it with the Great Kazoo in the Jacuzzi. Men suck.
04-29-01 - Episode 19
It's 2 a.m. David's asleep upstairs...he'll be up in a few hours for his morning run. It was really amazing spending time with Brian tonight. His bowling alley...what's the word? "Epiphany"...that's it. I think he finally forgave his father...well maybe not "forgave," but at least he got past "it"...the anger. I hope he did. I know this is a doofus thing to think of at this moment, but it was sort of like when Captain Astro was in love with Mary, the new secretary in the Mayor's office. He finally thought he found love, but then he realized she was really just Rat Boy in disguise, but instead of just hating him and kicking his ass, he felt a little sad. Because sometimes you can hate and love someone at the same time. Maybe that wasn't it. I don't know. I do know that I never felt closer to Brian. It was one of the only times...maybe the only time...I've ever seen him really open up. I wonder if I could ever forgive my father? Whoever he is. I wonder if I'll ever see him? If he stayed with my Mom would I have been a different person? Would I have the issues Brian has...would I have had different issues? I guess you can never know.
06-10-01 - Episode 20
David can't get this stupid grin off his face about all the attention he got last night at Babylon. I could kill him if he weren't sort of adorable. I never knew so many guys would go for him. I'm so used to Brian and the guys making comments about David's age, I forgot that he's one damn hot guy. Why should it matter what other guys think anyway? It should only matter what I think. But it was sort of a rush to have so many guys in that place jealous of me since I would be the one going home with him. It's what I've always imagined it must feel to date someone like Brian...although anyone who dates Brian would never know for sure if they were going home with him, since he might change his mind. Speaking of which...I still can't get over the fact Justin stole that guy right out of Brian's arms. It was a Babylon first. I guess I'm sort of a bad best friend, but suddenly I have developed a fondness for the boy wonder. Anyone that can make Brian see what he's done to the rest of us for the last 15 years is okay with me.
Just got off the phone with Mom again. She calls about every 15 minutes. I haven't heard her this upset in a really long time. Poor Uncle Vic. I still can't believe those cops did this to him. It's so unfair. Mom said he's been laying in his bed staring at the ceiling, and won't eat anything. At least he's out of jail for now thanks to Blake. Blake sure is a lot nicer and caring than I imagined. I guess Ted was right about being a bit narrow-minded when it comes to him. But - for Ted's sake - I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.
06-17-01 - Episode 21
I can't believe I'm doing it. Moving to Portland. It doesn't seem real yet. But Brian's right about going. If I want to give David and me a real chance in this relationship, I've got to do this. It's just so hard to make a decision. I mean if Captain Astro hadn't made the choice to listen to Baron Von Impaler's advice rather than to Shawna White Star's advice, he never would have found the cure for the Plague of Tourette's Syndrome that swept through Metropolis (issue 175). Then again, that also caused him to lose his super powers for the next three issues. Change is scary. I'm going to miss Mom and Uncle Vic and Ted and Emmett...and even that little pain-in-the-ass Justin. Not to mention Brian. It will be really weird not to have him in my life everyday. But he'll be in NYC anyway. God, I feel sick to my stomach. But this is all part of growing up, I guess.
Brian's 30th birthday's in a few days. Oh boy, this isn't going to be pretty. He's going to be so freaked. Hee hee.
06-24-01 - Episode 22
I am writing this in the cab on the way to the airport. I only have about 20 minutes to catch David's flight. I keep trying to hurry the cab driver, but he's driving like a little old lady. Just my luck...a cab driver without a death wish. Can't he speed up? God, I hope David didn't change his mind too and we end up crossing paths. No, he wouldn't do that. Why am I still feeling unsure about this? I know I love him, and that's all that matters. Right? I have to just dive in...take a risk...I have to grow-the-hell-up! Portland isn't the end of the Earth. Finally! I see the airport exit! Here goes nothin'!
дневник Эмметта moveforever.diary.ru/p170806867.htm
@темы: давным-давно на Sho.com
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24.12.2011 в 00:36А про отношения ты тоже выложишь?
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24.12.2011 в 20:45а я целиком так и не читала) отдельными кусочками только, все никак не могу собраться
А про отношения ты тоже выложишь?
да надо бы да, конечно